Your first love is the hardest. You’re never going to forget that boy who took away the only thing that made you somewhat pure. But you don’t regret it because there is no one else in the universe that you’d rather share that memory with. You miss the late nights and the early morning fatigue. You miss the feel of his hands on your bony spine and the feel of his mouth as he would breathe I love you into the crease of your neck. You miss his voice at 4am through to 4pm and the way he would sing songs in that laughable voice to cheer you up. You miss the company and you know that there’s no way, no way that you’ll find someone who knows your story like he did. You’ll miss the fights and the petty disagreements. You’ll miss him as a whole and nothing will ever change that.
1. I relied on you too much, I’m so sorry I ruined you.
2. Today the boy who sits next to me wore the same cologne you wore the day you told me you loved me, I felt my heart drop into my stomach.
3. No matter how many shots I down or bottles I empty your name is still the only thing I manage to remember.
4. I know you told me to never speak to you again, i just wanted to make sure you’re doing better than I am.
5. I told you all my secrets please keep them safe.
6. You got over me by getting under her. So why am I still craving you in my bed?
7. You swore you’d love me forever. You told me you’d never love anyone after me. You told me you would rather be alone than without me. You lied. Again.
8. I ran away from home but then I realized I was already homeless because your arms made me feel safer than my four bedroom walls.
9. Sometimes your name gets caught in my throat and I never want it to leave. I want to breathe it into my lungs because that’s the closest you’ll come to touching my heart.
10. Will you please get out of my head and out of my heart. I need my sanity back. I’m begging you. Please.
Have you ever loved someone so much that the thought of them not being in your life anymore causes this physical ache. I don’t know what to do anymore and my heart feels heavy. My mind is replaying through every sweet memory and it was never supposed to turn out like this
If someday the moon calls you by your name don’t be surprised,
Because every night I tell her about you.
will always be my favorite song
I want to make you smile and I want to make you cum.
I want to hold your hand and I want to hold your hips down while you’re writhing.
I want to make your eyes light up and I want to make them roll in the back of your head.
I want to be your reason to wake up and your reason to stay in bed.
I want to kiss your wounds and I want you to leave them on my back.
I want to play with your hair while you sleep and I want to feel it between my fingers while you are on top of me.
I want to memorize the repetition of your breathing and I want to memorize the sporadics of your moaning.
I want to see the arch in your grin and I want to feel the arch in your back before you collapse.
I want to go out to dinner with you and I want to go down on you.
I want to to feel you in my heart and I want to feel you inside me.
I want to make you laugh and I want to make you scream.
I want to still be able to taste you in the morning.
I want you in every form.
I wasn’t going to let you know how much I still loved you.
But you knew.
I scared you away.
I fucked it up.
I fuck up everything.
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